If you joyfully accept what he says wants and go about your own business, making yourself happy, that’s the only path that will lead not only to you feeling better, but to potentially putting your relationship back on track in the future. In short, the only way you’ll really know for sure if he truly wants to be with you is if you agree to take a break so he can decide on his own. And if you do talk him into staying with you, you’ll always wonder if he really wants to be there, or if he simply caved to your negotiating pressure. It might seem like you'll feel better if he does what you want and works on the relationship with you, but that will never work unless it’s his idea. He will most likely pick the nuclear option, instead of staying together and feeling trapped with you. But if you’re trying to manipulate him into staying with you by giving him an ultimatum or by playing invent-a-standard because you’re understandably hurt and upset, you’ll likely end up driving him away for good.
If in-or-out is truly your standard, then be loyal to yourself. If you do, he’ll know you aren't a woman of your word. Negotiating this way is being true to yourself if you are genuinely stating your standards.īut - you can’t tell a guy you won’t take him back if he leaves and then take him back later on. If you don't feel comfortable taking a break and enjoying your freedom in the meantime (to you, he’s either in or he's out), tell him so, and then see where the chips fall. In order for the break to work, you have to set boundaries and rules for the break and know where you both hope to see the relationship stand once the break is over. Taking a break doesn't necessarily mean you're single.
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